Tomorrow I turn 35 and for the first time ever I have mixed emotions about my birthday.
It’s not that I am turning 35, the number really doesn’t matter, it’s that I am getting older and time is moving quicker.
There was a time when the days seemed endless. I had lots of little ones needing me around the clock and I longed for the day they didn’t need me ALL THE TIME. As I stare at 35 I am also staring at a 6th grader who is asking the hard questions and feeling the big feelings. I am sending my 4th daughter to kindergarten and looking at a year with only 1 child at home. I am starting to have time for me again and realizing I am not sure what the almost 35 year old me wants out of life right now. Motherhood has been my defining desire and it still is but what else?
I am looking at my husband of almost 12 years and saying how are we making us a bigger priority now that we can? Our love and relationship is very strong, how do we make it stronger as we face the challenges of older kids?
I am watching age creep in on those I love and for the first time thinking about my age and my health in a whole new way.
I am reflecting more on each day and what I did with it? How did I make things better for those around me? How did I show gratitude for the blessings in my life? How well did I love?
34 was a year of growth and change for me. I looked at myself and made changes. I did Weight Watchers and lost those last few baby pounds. Then I started exercising. I now go to Pure Barre 4 times a week and I love it. I feel strong and healthy and good. These have been great things and focusing on my physical health has been good.
I want 35 to be about my spiritual health. I have let myself get so busy I have not found the time I need to nurture my faith. I have maintained but not actively grown in my faith, this year I plan to grow in my faith. I want to rekindling those embers, finding my passion again. Tonight I was reminded of something I seemed to have forgotten recently. My daughter asked me if God was upset when we broke promises. The promises she referred to were inconsequential things like I promise to read 100 pages. I encouraged her to instead ask God to help her do these things. Then I said the important thing is you are talking to God, because he just wants to hear from you. A lesson I needed a reminder of, I need to talk to God more because he does so love to hear from me.
So this what 35 looks like for me, that and hopefully a pedicure while my mom watches the kids!